Storyline

What story do you have for me, Life?

It’s a quarter to 3 in the morning and here I am, asking myself again if how much strength and bravery should I give myself to get going. It has been months when I started to question my purpose in life and I won’t deny that it gets heavy as time passes by.

Am I happy with what I am doing? Am I fulfilled? Am I selfish if I will choose what my heart wants to? Am I inconsiderate to others if I will listen to my family? Am I too rigid? Questions that even a yes or a no can not answer.

A little more time, self. A little more…

Nostalgia

But all the while,

you were waiting on an aisle

with a wistful smile.

(Gutierrez, 2020)

Solitude

She knew she needed rest

From this life’s test

With no choices to make

And rules to break.

(Gutierrez, 2020)

2016: A Rough and Bumpy Ride

It is a rigorous journey, traveled by few. A journey determined by your personality – how you look at yourself, how passionate you are, and how strong your faith is.

Disappointments seemed to be established in every fall and out-of-balance you make. But, a rule keeps you from going. A rule that tells you where your journey is taking you and what path you are going to take.

2016, a rough and bumpy ride for me. Along my way, I have encountered situations I never thought I would be in. I ran and ran until,  I was stuck in that dark, one-way street. I forgot the way-out. It seems that every memory I have fades.

I have to look back and think, even it was too hard, “what’s the matter Dindee?”

I walk through the darkness; was hoping I can see a light. As I continue my journey, I found exactly the answer to my question. What matter is that I forgot about the rule. The rule I should have followed from the start. In that moment, a light shone.

Now that I’m now at my last 2016’s destination, I have to thank this rule. Thank you for taking me to this paradise I call life. Thank you for the abundant blessings I am experiencing, may it be bad or good. Thank you God for You are my rule.

Q&A

Can I ask you something?
Anything.
Why is it every time we meet, I see emptiness?

WILL THEY…

miss me when I’m gone?

PAINTING

If my life was a painting

It is as colorful as my past,
as complicated as my present,

And as vague as my future.

Those who paint my canvas

Are those who appreciate and undervalue it

The ones worth for keeps and not

But, the people I trust and love.

Who am I to let them stop?

I am neither perfect nor impressive

I am wholly a subject of opinion and criticism

That I may become a mess if I let them.

But, I chose to be achromatic in this polychromatic world

Little by little, I express the colorless goodness of man

I may be transformed to a strange piece

But at least, I am a work of art.

Life’s A Beach

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach – waiting for a gift from the sea.

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Unknown

I have not known happiness until I knew him.
There were nights when I watched him sleep
And the entire world was quiet.
I listened to the sound of his breath
And watched the slow rise of his chest.
As he dreamed, I stayed within
The capsule of reality I was trapped in.

I have not known sadness until I was with him.
I know one day soon
I will not be able to listen to him, to talk to him
To dance with him, to hold hands with him,
To sing for him, to fight for him—
Because tomorrow, he might be gone.

19th of November, 2014
I have not known pain and sorrow until I saw him.
I saw him lying on a hospital bed,
No sound of breath, no slow rise of chest,
as if he was on his deep sleep.

I have not known hopelessness until I lost him.
There were nights when I sat at the corner
and listened to a song

“Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I’ve held them till I’m blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I’d keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that’s holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I’m just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.”

-Mikaila

My eyes are tired
The tears have dried
Though darkness blinds
Pain seeks thy eyes.

TODAY, MY LIFE BEGINS AT A PART OF THE UNKNOWN.